We have all had moments when something we said or did landed in a completely different way than we intended. Maybe it was a joke that fell flat. Maybe it was feedback that was meant to motivate but ended up discouraging. In your mind, you were clear and constructive. In theirs, you were dismissive or even hurtful.
In leadership, these moments matter more than most people realize. People do not judge you by what you meant. They judge you by what they experienced. And once that experience creates a belief—positive or negative—it begins to shape how they interpret everything else you do.
In my upcoming book Surrender to Lead, I share one of the simplest and most important truths about leadership, which comes from the Results Pyramid: experiences shape beliefs, beliefs shape actions, and actions produce results. Most leaders understand this in theory. They try to create experiences that reinforce the right beliefs such as loyalty, trust, ownership, and innovation. But here is the uncomfortable part. You are not judged by your intention. You are judged by the outcome.
It does not matter if you meant for an interaction to inspire people. If it left them feeling dismissed, excluded, or undervalued, you created the wrong belief. And beliefs, once planted, grow roots. If the belief is negative, people will start to see proof of it everywhere.
When that happens, you cannot hide behind the words “That is not what I meant.” The responsibility of leadership is to take accountability for the belief you unintentionally created and ensure it is interpreted the way you intend.
The Four Types of Experiences Leaders Create
Type One: Clear, powerful, and unmissable These experiences drive belief instantly and leave no room for misinterpretation. During the Y2K panic in 1999, the Chinese government held a press conference in which they publically instructed airline executives to be airborne at midnight to prove that flying was safe. This expereince created an unmistakable belief: flying at midnight will be safe. Passengers booked tickets and when, midnight came, nothing happened. The belief that the system was safe was absorbed instantly—not because someone said so, but because leaders put themselves on the line.
Type Two: Ambiguous but full of potential These experiences could drive the right belief, but only if you help interpret them. When a new CEO at a beauty retailer learned his predecessor had publicly fired people for being late, he greeted employees one Friday morning with coffee and doughnuts in the same spot where terminations had once been handed out. It signaled a change, but the real shift came later, through consistent recognition, feedback, and openness. Without that follow-through and framing, the gesture alone would not have rewritten the belief.
Type Three: Neutral and forgettable These are the everyday rhythms that do not meaningfully shape belief unless you actively connect them to a message. A weekly team sync that follows the same routine, or a stocked coffee machine in the break room, may go entirely unnoticed. They neither help nor harm your culture—unless you use them intentionally.
Type Four: Always misunderstood and damaging These are experiences that almost always create beliefs you do not want. In February 2025, Chevron announced layoffs of about 9,000 employees while planning a $66.5 million headquarters renovation. No matter how they explained it, the action created a belief of misplaced priorities. Once that kind of belief takes hold, it is extremely difficult to undo.
Most leadership moments are Type Two or Type Four, and that means you cannot just create an experience and walk away. You have to own the interpretation.
“That’s not what I meant” doesn’t cut it. Interpreting experiences is a tool that should be in every leader’s toolbelt.
Interpreting Experiences
Take a simple example. You have to decline to attend a regularly scheduled team meeting. This rarely happens and in this case, you’re doing it because your daughter is sick. While you might want to assume that people will understand, this can easily turn into a Type 2 experience. To avoid misinterpretation, you have to interpret the experience: name it, frame it, and reinforce it.
- Name it: Call out the experience as it happens. Do not let silence create stories. Say something like, “I am canceling this meeting because my daughter is sick, and I cannot give it my focused attention.”
- Frame it: Share the intention behind the action. Help people understand what you are really trying to communicate. “I trust you all to move forward without me today and I’m sorry I won’t be able to make it.”
- Reinforce it: Back it up with consistent behavior. If you say you trust the team, then demonstrate it by continuing to empower them in the days and weeks that follow. Show alignment between what you say and what you do. That is how beliefs get locked in.
This framework is especially important for Type Two experiences, which live or die by how you frame them. But it is also your safety net for avoiding Type Four disasters.
Culture is not built by what you intended to say or do. It is built by what people actually experience—and how you help them interpret those experiences.
Elsewhere In Culture
https://www.axios.com/2025/08/14/ceo-workplace-culture-rto-att-cognition
What we’re seeing now is a wave of CEOs openly reshaping workplace culture to emphasize speed, productivity, and control—often at the expense of flexibility. This isn’t new, but the directness of the messaging feels like a shift. Leaders like John Stankey and Scott Wu are saying the quiet part out loud: if you want work-life balance or hybrid options, this may not be the place for you. In my work, I’ve seen that these kinds of cultural resets can create short-term focus but also risk long-term erosion of trust. Employees notice when priorities shift from well-being to output, and if that shift isn’t paired with authentic communication and a clear purpose, engagement will suffer.
Culture is not built by policy alone—it’s built through the daily experiences employees have with leadership. When those experiences feel like pressure without support, organizations may see compliance in the short run, but they won’t get commitment. Leaders navigating economic uncertainty or AI disruption should remember that fear-based culture changes rarely produce sustainable results. The most effective transformations happen when leaders align expectations with a shared vision, model the behaviors they want to see, and invite employees into the “why” behind the shift. In other words, you can tighten your grip without closing your hand.
https://www.businessinsider.com/quiet-cracking-warning-signs-work-employees-for-2025-8
“Quiet cracking” is a clear signal that workplace culture is fraying at the edges. It’s not the disengagement of quiet quitting—it’s people still showing up, still doing the work, but emotionally and mentally wearing down in silence. In an unstable job market, many employees feel stuck in roles that drain them, believing they have no better options. Left unaddressed, this slow erosion of morale can quietly drag down productivity and trust. When leaders treat these shifts as performance problems instead of symptoms of deeper cultural strain, they miss the chance to address the real issue: a lack of support and connection in the workplace.
In healthy cultures, leaders don’t wait for burnout to become visible—they notice subtle changes in energy, tone, or output, and they check in early. That doesn’t mean launching a wellness campaign and calling it a day. It means embedding care into the fabric of daily work, creating spaces for honest conversations, and aligning systems so employees feel seen and supported. I’ve also seen AI tools emerge that help spot these patterns early. I think there’s a lot of potential there.